• Do you have a long simmering dispute in your family?
• Do you have a different view of the truth than your neighbour?
• Are you fiercely jealous of someone, or is someone jealous of you?
• Has someone been very rude and self-righteous to you recently?
• Have you ever made a mistake at work?
• Do you spend a lot of time on social media?

I know a brother and sister who stopped talking to one another nearly 10 years ago because of a series of disputes they had. Are those disputes worth the feeling of hatred? Are they happy with that hate in their hearts? I often wonder if they could reconnect, if one of them would be the first to reach out and let by-gones be by-gones, and then both be part of the whole family, together once again.

Do you have different opinions from your neighbour about what is true about your local politician to the point where you ignore each other? Or do you have new neighbours who are different from you, and have you made a lot of assumptions and judgements about them? Have you ever tried to sit down and have a respectful conversation, listening first deeply to him or her, and then having him or her listen deeply to you? If you do that, you might find some parts of both your stories might be the same. You might find that you care about the same issue. You might see a bit of logic that makes sense in each other’s positions. 

You may even get to the point that you can accept that there is a new truth. Who will be the first to start that conversation?

Do you have a sibling who is much more “successful” financially than you, and that somehow it just doesn’t feel fair that, even though you grew up in the same household, they have much more than you, and this fills you with resentment? Have you ever talked about it directly, sharing your emotions, explaining your struggle, trying to understand how that happened, examining the choices you each made throughout your lives that may have resulted in two different paths? Who will be the first to start that conversation?

Did you do something recently that really irritated someone else without realizing it, causing that person to explode with anger, using many horrible words? What did you do? Raise your own voice and use more terrible words? Or stand very quietly, let the person rant, and then calmly apologize for causing such distress? Who will be the first to bring calm?

Have you made a mistake that caused some issues at work? What did you do? Did you admit it or did you wait until others found out it was you, or was someone else blamed, or lastly, were you never discovered as being the cause? How do any of those possibilities feel? Making mistakes is awful and admitting them can be terrifying. Chances are you would like to know who did it if someone else makes a mistake. Will you admit to a mistake, in the first instance rather than waiting to be found out, and then offer to help find the solution? What would feel like the best and right thing to do? If you are the boss, do you create a safe space so someone can admit a mistake without fear of losing their job?

How much of the day do you spend on texting, looking stuff up, playing on-line games, reading TikTok and Instagram messages, to the detriment of work, family or social life? Do you spend 12 hours a day or 2 hours? When will you have the courage to be the first to put down your phone and text 50% less with your social group?

It takes courage to be the first to reach out in an uncomfortable situation, but if you do, the reward is enormous, because a relationship can be restored, you will feel less tension in your body, you will be happier about yourself and others. 

All wins!